Why Some Relationships Face More Risk Than Others

When we talk about domestic violence, we often picture one story: a man hurting a woman. But abuse doesn’t always look like that. And when we limit our definition, we leave too many survivors out of the conversation.

This month, we want to look beyond the familiar narrative and zoom out to the patterns and risk factors that make anyone more vulnerable to abuse in an intimate relationship. For starters, we know that domestic violence thrives in silence — but why?

Because when people feel isolated, ashamed or unsupported, their risk of being controlled, manipulated or harmed in a relationship — or staying trapped in that harm — grows. We shouldn’t be surprised to see the same patterns emerge wherever these conditions are present, no matter someone’s race, gender or age.

This Pride Month, we’re lifting up one part of the story that’s often overlooked: how familiar risk factors in domestic violence — like isolation, shame and lack of support — can show up more often in LGBTQ+ relationships, why that happens and what we can do about it.

People in LGBTQ+ relationships face disproportionately higher rates of domestic violence and sexual assault compared to those in straight relationships. That might surprise some folks. But it’s not about the people; it’s about the pressure they’re under. The more someone is cut off from support or made to feel unsafe being themselves, the more these risk patterns show up.

Take isolation, for example. We know survivors are more vulnerable when they’re cut off from friends, family or church. That’s true across the board, but many LGBTQ+ folks lose those very connections when they come out or, worse, are “outed” without their consent. Without those supports, it becomes much harder to leave a harmful relationship or even recognize it as abuse in the first place.

Shame plays a role, too. Victims who are afraid to tell anyone what’s happening often carry the burden alone. And, without support, many feel helpless or, worse, don’t even realize that what they’re experiencing is abuse. When something can’t be talked about, it’s harder to see clearly, and even harder to escape. For LGBTQ+ people, there’s often added fear.

That fear can be turned against them, used as leverage to keep them quiet — and keep them trapped. And when that fear is layered on top of the fear and shame that so often come with abuse, it becomes its own unique risk factor, one that makes it even harder to ask for help or even imagine that help is meant for you.

And when we don’t see LGBTQ+ relationships represented in conversations about abuse, it’s easy to miss the signs. We know abuse doesn’t always look the way we expect. But when people don’t feel safe to be seen, they’re less likely to speak up or seek help, and others are less likely to ask the right questions.

What we want to draw attention to is this: Domestic violence and sexual assault are always unique, deeply personal situations. But some conditions act as risk enhancers. The same patterns we already understand — disconnection, silence, fear — can happen to anyone. But the more of these factors you’re up against, the higher your risk. That’s part of why these statistics are elevated in LGBTQ+ relationships.

During Pride Month, there’s often a focus on celebration. That matters. But, for many, Pride is also about survival. It’s about being able to tell the truth about your life — and knowing someone will believe you.

At Rise Above Violence, we serve everyone. No matter your gender, orientation or identity, if you need someone to talk to, we are here. Love shouldn’t hurt, no matter who you love. Together we rise. Our 24/7 Confidential Crisis Line is (970) 264-9075.